To Whom It May Concern
by Alley Cat Sunflower
Summary: "All of you—and your indecorous imaginations—make me sick to my soul." Hakuōki contains too many unique perspectives to pass decisive judgment. Hakuōki fanfiction deserves no such praise. If there's one thing Kazama hates, it's lies, and this archive is apparently full of them… so here's an open letter setting his romantic record straight. No pairings. I do not own Hakuōki!


To whom it may concern:

I have recently encountered a number of alarming tales concerning me, my sexual orientation, and my romantic exploits, taking place in an appalling number of bedrooms (or, indeed, settings of any kind). My intention today is to refute all these stories as the figments of human imagination—the product of your own wishful thinking. I understand that you are all violently in love with me, but there is a time and a place for vicarious living, and this is decidedly _not_ it.

I will begin on as positive a note as I can manage; this, from what Amagiri tells me, is what is known as 'tact'. The most appreciable among these stories concern my involvement with a number of fictional female demons. While I commend your attempts to cater to my known interests, I must also remind you that there are very few females of my race as it is, and those who really do exist are primarily beneath my station. Thinking of humans writing demons so obliviously into being leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

Speaking of taste, far less palatable is the very idea that I would pursue any human, fictional or otherwise. How _dare_ you insinuate that I could ever share my bed with a creature so far beneath me! It disgusts me even to consider such a thing. To use an imperfect analogy: you have probably seen, through some unknown and voyeuristic means, the indignation and rage I experience when a fake draws my blood. How, then, could I be expected to tolerate a similarly base creature eliciting a still more precious substance?

Exactly. I would never. Several humans have offered me meaningless flirtation over the years, always with the same results. I refuse to massacre all the geisha in the red light districts just for doing their jobs, but I have always ignored them effortlessly. They have fortunately taken hints, which is more than can be said for any of _you_.

Lastly, I chased after Chizuru to marry her, not to use her and throw her away. Demons are traditional, and nobles even more so; only my wife will ever receive me unto her. And I repeat, with emphasis: only my _wife_ will ever receive me unto _her_. If you suggest that I have even the slightest interest in males of any race, especially fakes or humans, you should not expect to live much longer, because I intend to slaughter you for your slander.

…Then again, I'd be just as satisfied if you took back your words and applied that assessment to a different demon instead. Then, at least, you would be telling the truth. Some of you are already astute enough to notice that Shiranui's preferences relate far more to who is _interesting_ than who is female—as I discovered upon our meeting. Fortunately, he also told me that I am too 'boring' to attract him; I have never been sure whether to consider that statement more of an insult or a relief. But I digress.

To summarize the important points: female demons are rare; I have never, nor _will_ I ever, lay with a human; and tradition is my highest law, including attraction exclusively to females… and the prerequisite of marriage before the possibility of reproduction. In light of these facts, you may guess exactly how many times I have shared my bed with anyone before. Perhaps, by extension, you may even guess why I tried to bring Chizuru with me so many times.

After all, it is immoral to cultivate one's own pleasure… although, given the content of your stories, I would imagine most of you (and your equally depraved audiences) are guilty of that particular sin. All of you—and your indecorous imaginations—make me sick to my soul. While your usual characterization of me as some sort of sex god is flattering, albeit in a nauseating sort of way, I cannot stomach the unspoken implication that I obtained such experience bedding humans or fakes or _males_.

The extent of the praise I can offer for this kind of work is your willingness to bend reality for my sake, even if your execution is misguided. For that, I might thank you if I didn't think the words would make me retch. Instead, I will simply caution you to set aside your perverse desires long enough to consider: _would Lord Kazama really do this_?

Think carefully, now. The answer will usually be 'no'.

Not yours in the slightest,

 ** _Kazama Chikage_**


End file.
